After the wedding day is the marriage that should last for the rest of the couple’s lives, but most times problems are encountered and sometimes they aren’t fixed. Preparing, knowing what to expect, showing love and understanding and a few of the things needed in keeping a good marriage. Below are things you should take to heart to have a fulfilling and lasting marriage.
Love and commitment are decisions, not feelings. Yes, we also feel love for each other, but not always intensely. Sometimes it’s more of a quiet comfort in knowing the other is there for us – and will be, till death do us part.
Stay intellectually connected. If one person advances in career or education, it can leave the other out of the loop. Companions who share more of our passions start to usurp the energy previously directed toward one’s spouse. It’s more stimulating to talk with someone who “gets it.”
Sex is a bonder. Frequency of sex may diminish but quality should not.
Empty nesting can be a crisis or an opportunity. When the last child leaves home, it creates a gap in many couples’ lives. Time and worry that used to be directed toward kids leaves a hole as couples realize that they had a partner in child rearing but not in life. Some intentionally renegotiate roles and discretionary time. For others, it’s a welcome freedom to embark on new adventures without worrying whether the teens will have a wild party in their absence. Sure, invest heavily in your children, but don’t over-invest to the point of losing your identities.
Link but don’t tether. Pursuit of new activities together can reinvigorate but so can independent pursuits that we bring back to share. Jim helps me dig up the garden. I go on bike rides with him – some of the time. We dance, work, pray, and play – often together, but not always.
Focus on mutual challenges. We both still have “almost full time” jobs supplemented by too many volunteer involvements that cost us money rather than bringing it in. This forces us to live simply. It’s a shared challenge.
Growing old means a changing physical appearance, but it doesn’t have to mean being out of shape. Even for those of us who hate going to a gym, staying fit can mean climbing stairs or walking to the corner store rather than defaulting to the car. Often with age also comes the income and time to eat out more or indulge in comfort foods, leading to weight gain. Eating well – but not everything we could – and doing things for ourselves can save money, pounds, and disenchantment. We both have wrinkles. Some of them match.
Try to please the other. My husband suggested I write this article. I didn’t want to do it. I’m certainly not a wimp who does anything he asks. I decided to do it out of love and knowing that gestures of kindness build relationship capital. He knows my favorite candy and periodically hides a chocolate Easter egg in interesting places around the house. It’s like many mini-Easters.
Faith isn’t magic, but it helps. Having a reason for living beyond one’s personal pleasure helps us deal with those mysteries of life that don’t always make sense. Having a faith community that supports marriage can balance our “It’s all about me,” throw-away culture.
Enjoy each other. It takes time.
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